I am counting down the days when I will be able to see this place. I've been miserable at work for the last few days. I'm still learning the ropes. So whenever I encounter terms like maturity mismatch or options trading, I google it and try to learn what I can. It's just sometimes I don't really have time to read and absorb what I have to so in the end I do things mechanically and hope that next time I will truly understand what I just did. It's sometimes frustrating that I wish I was back in my old work but there are days that everything is all quiet (like today) and I have time to research and go deep into what I am doing. And I feel a certain pride whenever I do accomplish some things and in the process learn something new. It doesn't hurt either to be acknowledged by my supervisor that I did a good job. Based on my latest annual performance evaluation, my supervisors are happy with what I've contributed to the team so far and that they got good feedbacks from the other specialists I'm working with so that's a good sign. I'm glad it's not all bad things. But there are days (like yesterday) when I tell myself, I don't want any more challenges and I just want to work mindlessly. It's just that sometimes I feel so tired at the end of the day and think to myself if this is all worth it. Just this morning I hoped that I'll soon see the light at the end of the tunnel, because at this point I feel that I'm in the middle of the tunnel where everything's dark and scary. I hope to really find in myself what I really want.
The certain thing right now is that I can't wait for my vacation to start. To sleep the night before and wake up the following morning knowing that I don't have to go to work will be total bliss. I miss the beach! If I had to live in an island for the rest of my life, I will probably die happy - sunburnt, definitely - but still happy.
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