A Letter To My Firstborn

My dearest Miya,

In a matter of days, our family of three will become four. Baby Minion will soon come to our little family. On one hand, I am saddened that you will no longer be our only child. I cherish moments we have together just the two of us. You taught me to be a mother. You have loved me unconditionally despite the mistakes I’ve made with you. They say mothers love unconditionally but I say kids love their mothers unconditionally and we learn from you. I will never forget the first time I held you in my arms. You were crying your lungs out the moment you were out of my womb. It was one of the most unforgettable moments of my life. From then on, you have brought so much joy not only to me but to Daddy as well. We love you so much, Anak!

The past few months have been hard for the two of us. I was always tired and was quite easily upset when you don’t follow your elders. I was always yelling at you when we’re at home together. And for that I am sorry. I am sorry that I didn’t have enough energy to play with you. I am sorry that I didn’t have enough patience to talk to you when you’re throwing a tantrum. I know you have already forgiven me. You always do. You always tell me you love me. You always hug and kiss me. Thank you, Anak!

I’m writing this in my office and I can’t help but cry and excuse myself to the bathroom (or else Mommy’s officemate will think something is wrong with me hehe). I’m getting really emotional thinking about you with the coming of our baby. I’m worried how you will react to Baby Minion when he comes out. We have talked to you a lot about him. But I’m worried how you will now learn how to share Mommy with another baby. Don’t worry because Mommy’s love for you will never diminish. Last night, I woke up with cramps and couldn’t go back to sleep. I held you in my arms while you were sleeping as I haven’t done that in a long time – I have a hard time finding the right position when sleeping. And you have been really understanding to agree to our current set-up, you hug Mommy while sleeping instead of Mommy hugging you.  I love you so much, Anak!

You know I can’t help but cry because Mommy regrets not spending as much time with you these last few months. My excuse is I get tired easily when I’m with you. You are our little energizer bunny, you never run out of energy and I just can’t keep up with you. Mommy needs the rest for the baby as well. So instead of spending time with you, I’d sleep at home or stay longer in the office for some “me” time. I’m sorry, Anak!

When Baby Minion comes out, I promise to spend more time with you. I will be on maternity leave for 12 weeks so we’ll get to spend as much time together the three of us. Don’t worry, Baby Minion will usually be asleep so while he’s asleep we can play as much as we want to. I promise I won’t say no when you ask me to play with you or read something to you.

I love you my dearest Miya!