Letter To My One Year Old

Dearest Javi,

Tomorrow you will be turning one. I can't believe you're already a year old. Has it really been 12 months already? I feel I haven't been able to savor all those months, all your milestones, your firsts! Even though I'm not able to keep track of all your milestones like what we did with your Ate, know that I love you every minute of the day with every fiber in my being. You know my darling boy, I feel guilty about so many things. One of that is not giving you enough time to be the bunso. When I first knew I was pregnant again, my first thought was you. I worried how you'll be with the next child coming so soon. I know you're still too young to know what is happening but still I worry about you. I worry about the middle child syndrome. I hope it won't have negative effects in you. When my phone crashed last month, I was devastated. I lost 3 months worth of your photos. I was guilty of not taking enough photos of you. I was guilty of not using a proper camera when taking your photos but instead rely on my camera phone. I cried over those photos. Those photos represent all your milestones in those 3 months (June to August 2015) that I can never recover. Please know that I will forever pay for these. Habang buhay kong papatunayan sayong mahal na mahal ka ni Mommy. I love you so much that my heart feels like bursting just thinking about it. Before you came, I was worried I won't have enough love to give to you. But they said a mother's heart multiplies, and so did my heart. I had more than enough love to give you. Unfortunately, I couldn't multiply myself physically to always be present for you and your Ate.

I don't want to make this letter seem like a sad story all over. Because you bring us so much joy. Your smile that you give us every time we call your name. The smile that you give your Ate every time you want to play with her. I had difficulties when I was pregnant with you. I had other mommy friends who had miscarriages when I was pregnant with you. But one year ago, I gave birth to you. When I heard your cries in that delivery room, I was filled with emotions I had to keep myself from crying. I thought, after all those difficulties here you are at last in my arms. I know you are destined for great things! Because why would our good Lord bring you here but not those other babies. You are destined to be alive here and now and do great things for humankind. I know that deep in my heart. You may not be a doctor or a lawyer or a successful professional, but I know you will bring forth so much greatness in other people's lives.

I always give thanks to our Lord for giving you to me. And I always pray for Him to guide me and your Daddy in parenting you. May He always bless you Anak and guide you all throughout your life! I love you so much! Words are not enough to tell you how much! Happy birthday my darling boy!

Love,
Mommy