Monday, October 19, 2015

Javi's Breastfeeding Journey (The Start of the End)

I haven't been blogging recently due to many reasons I guess. One of these was I just don't have the energy to blog anymore. I'm always tired, I'm swamped with work, I'm emotionally drained haha! So many things are happening, I'm not sure where to begin. But I guess you pretty much had an inkling on what's going on with my last post. In connection to that, let me blog about Javi's breastfeeding journey. Promise, I will blog about my pregnancy soon - I think my stories on Javi and my current pregnancy are so intertwined!

One of the signs I had that I'm pregnant back when I didn't know I was pregnant (gulo ba?), was my milk supply significantly decreased. I think I lost about 1 ounce per pumping session. I used to get around 4oz per session, so then it came down to 3oz. I stopped pumping milk in the office altogether last week. Before I stopped I'd only get around 0.5oz of milk to take home everyday. That's in one pumping session. From 3oz, it went down to 2oz and then 1 oz and then finally only half an ounce of milk per session. That was when I knew it was time to give up. And Javi was already a year old by then. Atleast I reached my goal of not giving him any other milk aside from breastmilk up until he was one year old.
Javi nursing on his first birthday

After his birthday, he was given soymilk to replace one milk bottle a day of breastmilk. That was what happened until all of my frozen breastmilk stash was used up. I think he finished everything during the first week of October. We're still breastfeeding when we're together although not as much. At night, he still wakes up to feed but not as long and as often. We usually give him one bottle of milk before going up to our bedroom. Last Saturday was heartbreaking for me because it was the first time I had to give him the bottle myself. At night when he wakes up, sometimes I had to tell him to stop because my sensitive nipples can no longer take it. Sometimes it's okay with him, he nurses for a while and then turns his back on me (faces his other side) and goes back to sleep, but sometimes he really wants to nurse for a long time, he wails if I don't give him the boob. Haaay! I'm so sad I had to do this to him. I don't want to start comparing Miya and Javi in terms of our breastfeeding journey because I will really get sad. I now know how other mothers feel when they want to breastfeed their kids but their bodies are no longer willing. Javi, anak, please know that Mommy loves you very much! I would breastfeed you as long as my body can take it. I pray my body can still take it to breastfeed you both with your little sibling when the time comes. I love you so much!

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