We went to the OB thinking we're just there to get our regular check-up and to get the certification that I can travel with my family this weekend. I was even thinking about dedicated hosting for this blog. Dra. Alfiler first proceeded in hearing the baby's heartbeat, I remember thinking to myself I should ask if I can record the heartbeat. It was our first time to hear it. Then she proceeded with the ultrasound, she showed us how big the baby is now, which is a week smaller based on the EDD (expected delivery date). Per my OB's record I'm 17 weeks and 6 days along during my last visit, while the size of the baby shows 16 weeks and 6 days. I don't want to be confused anymore so I'll just follow my OB's record with these blog entries. Anyhow, we saw the baby's hands, the circumference of his/her tummy, and that the baby is in breech..then we saw something else - a contraction in my uterus (upon further reasearch it's called hourglass contraction which is a constriction in my uterus). We basically saw a bump inside my uterus, a bump which seems a little big. And then I was told the position of the baby is quite low and that I should limit my physical activities and avoid malling.
Our Bambini - that's what we call him/her
Then I had to ask if we can no longer travel...my OB was like a mommy giving a lecture to our kid. She told me I should do everything to save the baby, and that even if my mother or aunts or any relatives hadn't had any miscarriages it could happen to me and we don't want it to happen. She told me if I won't be careful, she might advise me for a complete bedrest on our next visit. We don't want to risk premature labor, she said, and that our aim to get to atleast week 37. I was just so frightened - I think the hubby was too. The OB didn't really tell me as if she was blaming me but I felt blaming myself for this. I kept thinking it was my fault because she mentioned the cause might be because of tight clothes I wear, which I really am guilty of. I haven't worn maternity pants just yet. I'm still wearing my old pants with the belly band we bought. Anyways, I was advised to avoid walking around the mall (I could still watch the movies, and I can go to the mall then if it's the only thing on the agenda). If we have to do our groceries, she said, maybe Joema can do it and I can sit out and wait for him outside. I should avoid going up and down the stairs, which is a major problem because our condo is loft type with our room on top and the bathroom on the first floor plus I still ride the MRT where I also use the stairs to go up and down (no escalators in the stations that I get on and off) - another reason I feel guilty. I already felt like crying inside the doctor's clinic but I was able to maintain my composure. I felt like crying while paying for our bill but I was still able to hold the tears. But once we're out of there, I was crying non-stop. I was feeling guilty on what I've done wrong and worrying about the baby. My hubby couldn't do anything but hug me. When the OB talked to us it felt like she was readying us for the worse to come. Instead of eating lunch before going home, I asked Joema if we can go straight home and we did. I also asked my supervisor if I could take the whole afternoon off, which thankfully she agreed. I was crying from the clinic to our house. Before we went home, I immediately texted my mom to tell her the OB didn't give me clearance to fly off with them. I was thinking of all sorts of things during the ride home, that maybe we can temporarily live with my parents because they have no stairs at home. And that maybe it was about time we should buy our own car, just scrimp on anything else and maybe we can afford to buy one. Although when we live with my parents my father can drive me to work everyday.
When we got home, I was still crying and my husband was hugging me. He's so brave during these times. He told me that we should prepare ourselves, that when the OB talked to us she was readying us already on what might happen (we thought the same thing). Most importantly, he told me not to blame myself for what happened and that it wasn't my fault. I love my husband so much. He's my rock. When I read his phone messages this morning (yes, I'm that kind of wife - I nag and look into his personal stuff), a friend texted him to be always positive and to not show me any sadness because this might worry me further. Thank God, my husband has friends whom he can tell his problems too.
Anyways yesterday, Joema and I talked about it and decided to stay here at my parents' home. Of course, my parents were more than willing to welcome us here. Last night, they fetched us and we were able to bring a few of our clothes here. All of our things are still at the condo, our home for the past 21 months.
This morning, Joema and I with my father who drove us (thank God for parents!) went to the department store to buy some maternity pants and clothes. No, I didn't walk around so much. We went straight from the parking to the area for maternity wear. Will try to take a photo of my new maternity clothes soon when I wear them.
I'm actually feeling a lot better now especially because of family and friends who are there supporting us. They've offered prayers and told me not to worry. For the handful of my readers, kindly say a short prayer for me and the baby. I hope and pray this won't be my last 'preggy me' post. I can't still help but worry when I think about it.