Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Sad News

I know I’ve mentioned that I don’t want to talk about my bedrest last month but I’ve heard 2 news of miscarriages for the past two days and I feel so affected (this is excluding my mom’s friend who also had a miscarriage last month). I am so grateful that despite my difficulties with this pregnancy, my baby and I are both okay now. I am now ashamed to admit to a friend over the weekend that I’m not a happy pregnant woman these days. Let me elaborate on that. I’m not as chirpy as I would like to. I’m always tired. I snap at my kid every time she’s restless and wants my attention (this I am super guilty of doing and so sorry). I am sad because I can’t give my eldest all the attention she needs because I always feel tired. Honestly, sometimes I don’t feel like staying home with her because I feel that all my energy gets drained when I spend a number of hours with her. I can’t keep up with her energy. And she’s like Ms. Energizer bunny these days. She can’t sit still and wants to talk every single second. I know I’m sounding like I’m blaming her. But I don’t, really. I’m so sorry for not giving her my full attention these days. Although an upside on this is that she gets to bond more with her father.  I also feel a lot of new things with this pregnancy – the nausea, morning sickness, weird cravings. These are all new to me as I haven’t experienced this with my eldest. I think that’s also affecting my over all attitude these days. All I want to do is just be a lazy pregnant women and sleep. Don’t get me wrong I am super happy with these pregnancy, I just feel like I’m not celebrating the pregnancy that much as much as before. And again, I account these to the difficulties I’ve been encountering. But after hearing these news, I am ashamed! I will forever be grateful that nothing happened to us the past month. I’ve prayed everyday to the Immaculate Mother to please save my baby during my entire house arrest. I’m sure these ladies rallied the heavens with their prayers as well. I don’t what difference we did that my baby is saved and not theirs. My heart is bleeding for these two ladies I know. Words will not be enough to comfort them. I may not have experienced what they are going through but I’ve had a sort of taste of it when I went through last month. I pray that the Lord will give them the strength to go through this difficult phase in their lives. I have to believe that everything happens for a reason and something good will come out of this. God bless these ladies and their children who are now in heaven. May God comfort you and pacify your hearts.

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